My Friend

This blue ribbon was given out at his funeral. He was my sponsee brother. He was a nice young man from a good family. 

He was smart

We had conversations on the way to meetings, one day I was telling him about my favorite episode of Radiolab titled “Emergence”. He had never heard of it. About a week later he told me that he had listened to all of the episodes. We talked about a few. 

He disappeared for a bit…”went back out”…

The next time I saw him he told me that he had been hospitalized for drinking poison. He didn’t remember what he drank or why, but speculated it was a suicide attempt. 

He disappeared again…

I’d bug him about going to meetings. He’d come with me sometimes. He stated that although he wasn’t clean, that he was trying to live the program. Meaning living by the spiritual principals. 

We went to a few meetings at my home group after he got out of treatment and I was hoping he’d find a home at that group. 

He disappeared again. 

I got a call from a friend. The call rather. 

He died under mysterious circumstances. I’m not here to speculate. It doesn’t really matter as far as I’m concerned. Death is final. They say “if the drugs don’t kill you, the lifestyle will”. 

He died on a trip up north to visit his young son. I think he died while caring for the boy. Very sad circumstances. 

This disease isn’t discriminating. It doesn’t care about your IQ, color, race, social status or anything else. It’s job is to kill you. It is smarter than the individual, but not smarter than the collective. The collective being the program. That’s why we need each other. That’s why we go to meetings. 

The disease can even rob you of your strongest drive, the drive to live. When that happens, it takes a miracle. That’s God’s realm, not ours. My job is to get with step 1:

“We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.”


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